Updated: Oct 11, 2018
What about our Children??
When my husband left this world my life as I knew it instantly changed. Not only did my life change but my boy’s lives have been forever changed as well. The pain of losing a spouse is excruciating and I don’t know how long I will feel this ache. However; the pain I feel for my children on top of mine is another level.
I had a conversation with one of my sons about a month ago and we were sharing how we are feeling. I told him to never ever hold his grief in. He said “mom I know how much we miss daddy and yet I know that you feel it more than we do,” I told him we all have our own personal grief for dad.
I explained to him that my grief is very different it’s only one of me and its four of them so they can share their pain. They all understand fully what the other is feeling because they’ve all lost their daddy equally. I think about how my children and grandchildren will forever miss out on losing My Devan so soon.
I think children can get overlooked in their grieving process because so many people focus more on the widow.
What about the children? What about their pain? What about their loss? My boys were extremely close to their dad he was their best friend. Do we minimize the children’s pain? NO, we need to make sure that we allow them to feel whatever it is that they need to feel.
They are hurting just as much as mom or dad (if the spouse was the wife) I allow my children to grieve the way they need to (in a safe manner) because everyone does it differently.
Sometimes I think we are so engulfed in our own pain that we forget that other people especially our children are hurting as well. I know for a fact that my family doesn’t like to show me their pain because they feel like it is going to trigger something inside of me. Well, I have said “ nothing you do can or can’t trigger my pain” it has nothing to do with them.
Its very important to continue to grow while grieving and yes it’s a hard process, however; each step makes another step forward and frankly none of us walking in this grief have no other choice. None of us will stay in this world forever and our spouses would expect us to live purposely, authentically, fulfilling lives until we see them again.
So I am choosing to be present each moment, although hard and painful at times I say yes because my sons and daughters need me, my grandchildren need me, my family, friends and the world need me.
Let us not forget our children and how their life has been altered forever. We lost our husbands and they lost their dad so let’s love on them much more in the process.
Originally written for Hopeforwidows.com